Daddy’s Little Girl
Posted by: butterfliesforjesus on: April 15, 2008
“A sweet talk turned bitter by someone I cared for so much—a growing relationship cut short because of your unwanted touch.” Have you ever lay awake in your bed afraid to go to sleep for fear that your father would show up? You knew if he did he wasn’t coming just to say good night.
These are the feelings and words of a young girl who wanted desperately to be loved by a father who deserted her at the tender age of three; for twelve long years she longed for a relationship that most of us will only see on television. And then one day her prayers had been answered— or so she thought. She soon found out that the relationship she had longed for would never be because her father chose to take what could a have been a beautiful father-daughter relationship and turned into a relationship tainted by perversion.
It all began one Sunday afternoon when she was left home alone with her father; he begins to educate her on the trickery of boys her age—she thought he was genuinely concerned and eagerly joined in the conversation with hopes of having some of her questions answered. But what she got was an unwanted touch and when it was all over she prayed that what had just happened to her was only a dream, but in her heart she knew it was real and she hated it; but she still loved him so she did just as he requested and kept this act of perversion their little secret. And of course the perversion didn’t stop that afternoon. It happened time and time again and each time he made her promise to keep his dirty little secret; he promised her all sorts of gifts and never failed to mention how heartbroken her mother would be if she ever found out and even went so far as to say she would be blamed for what was happening to her. Her dream of becoming daddy’s little girl had quickly turned into a nightmare.
Some of you reading this have no doubt experienced some similar act of perversion and are filled with the guilt and shame of being violated. You are not alone. I too have experienced someone’s unwanted touch and was a little uncomfortable writing this post because I wasn’t sure how it would be received. But God began to minister to me and I saw images of youth lying awake late in the midnight hour crying and hurting because of someone’s unwanted touch—and I heard the Lord say, “someone needs to know they did nothing to deserve being violated—someone needs to know they are not alone—and someone needs to know that help is available.” So I put aside my fears and began writing because I know without doubt that this terrible thing did not just happen to this young girl, but youth everywhere are feeling alone and helpless. I wish I could say that magic word, “abracadabra” and erase all the pain, guilt and shame you are experiencing; but the truth is, there are no magic words to make you feel better—only you, with the help of God, can do that. You must first begin by realizing that what happened to you was not your fault and most importantly you MUST forgive the one who violated you. Perhaps you’re thinking that’s impossible or maybe you simply don’t want to forgive. I felt the same way until one day I realized that by not forgiving I was giving my violator complete control over my life; I was allowing him to control my moods, my happiness and my ability to love freely. My unforgiveness was keeping me from moving forward with my life. It is my prayer that every young person who has every been violated know that you did nothing to deserve this; If you have not shared this terrible thing with someone now is the time to do so—no matter what the violator has told you—No! he will not hurt your parents— because he’s a coward—he’s not going to buy you any special gifts and NO you will not be blamed for this terrible act. So find someone to confide in today so you can begin the healing process and remember you are NOT alone.
In HIS Service
Shirley Hubbard
Butterflies for Jesus Youth Ministry
www.butterfliesforjesus.org
May 14, 2008 at 4:53 am
I KNOW A FRIEND OF MINE WHO WENT THROUGH THE SAME THING, HOWEVER HER FATHER WAS ALSO ABUSIVE. SO SHE WENT THROUGH SEXUAL VERBAL PHYSICAL ABUSE THROUGHOUT HER CHILDHOOD. SHE HAD TO SLEEP WITH A KITCHEN KNIFE UNDER HER BED JUST IN CASE HER FATHER SHOWS UP. WHEN I HEARD HER STORIES IT WAS SO DIFFICULT TO TELL HER TO FORGIVE AND FORGET. THOSE ACTIONS PRETTY MUCH SHAPED WHO SHE WOULD’VE BECAME IN THE FUTURE. BUT CHRIST CAME AND INTERVINED. SHES A SINGLE MOTHER, SHE HAS AN IDEA OF HOW A FATHER SHOULD ACT BECAUSE GOD IS HER FATHER, BUT SHES STRUGGLING WITH HOW A HUSBAND SHOULD BE BECAUSE SHE NEVER SEEN THE HUSBAND ROLE MODEL IN HER LIFE. THEY WERE EITHER ABUSIVE TO THEIR WIVES OR OUT CHEATING AND SLEEPING WITH OTHER WOMEN [OR IN HER CASE, OUT WITH SECRET WIVES.] THEN GUYS LIKE ME COME INTO HER LIFE, TRYING TO SHOW HER THAT NOT ALL MEN ARE THE SAME.. BUT IT’S TOUGH. ALL SHE HAS WITNESSED IS HOW HER MOM SUBMITTED TO THE ABUSE AND THREATS FROM HER HUSBAND, AND HER MOM CHOOSING TO IGNORE WHAT WAS TRUELY GOING ON, AND HOW HER BOYFRIEND MAKES HER BELIEVE SHES THE ONLY ONE WHEN IN REALITY THERE ARE OTHERS. IS MY FRIEND SUPPOSE TO JUST FORGIVE THEM AND ACCEPT THEM FOR WHO THEY ARE? HER FATHER IS STILL IN THE PICTURE BECAUSE HE SPEAKS TO HER YOUNGER SIBLINGS. BUT THE MENTION OF THE WORD “FATHER” UPSETS HER EVEN UNTIL THIS DAY.. HER FATHER MAY BE A COWARD, BUT HE WAS CRAZY ENOUGH TO KILL HER, HER MOM AND HIMSELF IF ANYONE WAS TO GO TO THE COPS.. HOW WOULD WE HELP SOMEONE IN HER CASE? I JUST PRAY TO GOD THAT SHE CAN FIND TRUE LOVE. AND THAT SHE CAN ONE DAY BE AT PEACE BOTH AT HEART AND AT MIND, AND ENJOY THIS SHORT PRECIOUS LIFE THAT WE HAVE LEFT..